The New Norm

Update: It has been a little over 3 months since my breakup... Most days were me acting nonchalant about the grief, me acting like Ive got it all together.

In fact I saw a couple of A's moving on posts and winced uncomfortably. I guess I could say that in a totally non-sexist way, I grieve like how a man stereotypically would.

In the first few months, my weight has been the lightest- 34kg. Though I was deeply saddened over the course of things, I braved myself a good image and confident vibes on the gram. Oh was it extremely far from the reality of how Im feeling deep down.

Most would say that Im pretty mature for my age, but I beg to differ. In all honesty, I take a good deal of time to recognize my true sentiments about a matter. I feel like its at most due to my 'yes man' nature and my sore inclination to desperately agree. Now, Im not a total people pleaser, but in some ways where Id like to represent myself best, I often resort to that. I only rise up to the occasion of differing my thoughts and opinions when a situation needs me to do so- in need of my honest thoughts or to prove my capability to naturally generate outstanding thoughts that have always resonated within me.

Not too long ago, in fact just yesterday, ‘A’ texted apologising while seeking clarity. In a way, he re-opened a portal of memories that I have forgotten- or simply chose to not revisit. Ive been thinking about it more today, which in turn results to a decision on going for a 3 month social hiatus. I have a good feeling about this hiatus in sense where Id actually for once commit to it because my objectives are abundantly blessed in the showers of clarity rays.

That being said my main objectives are:
1. To healthily deal with my painful, beautiful and gone chapters with A.

2. To gain clarity and live in the present, to stop living in the past, to not be too hopeful for the future while avidly putting things into manifestation and ultimately to live in the present, grateful and contented.

3. To figure out my persona, the likes and stance of Moonouv regarding a whole load of aspects in her life.
- To curate a plan that will somehow or somewhat exponate me into the realm of my untapped and highest potential; be it career, studies, life skills or soulmate ;)

I have a plethora of objectives but to which I shall make it a point to also simplify my goals in life, to avoid unnecessary complications, akin to the concept of Luhmann's slip boxes- to keep the main ideas simple to create and provide more room for the growth and cultivation of ideas.

Id like to end this post with a couple of affirmations that Im in dire need of but wont receive nor accept it from anyone else but me. Here it goes.

In this night where you heart sank to the deepest crevices of the Earth, the soil so dark and wet, Your heart raptured, bled and sprawled over... Will this ever get close to any of the profound poignance that youre feeling? Will this grotesque memory ever match up to how painful the separation was?

If you have disagreed, then look up now. Start aiming for the Moon and her stars, the Moon being you yourself and the stars being your best attributes. Run after your desired intellectual fancies, chase after your magnificent and brilliant ideas and never once look back only to be overwhelmed with self-doubt. Your heart had raptured and bled because you are ready for a new one. 

A new one to set you after your adventures for the finest things you desire in life. You deserve it because let me tell you, never once have I met a soul of a dreamer as magnificent as the Moon and her stars.